The Long Haul

A few years ago my husband and I embarked on a journey; a journey in adoption.  I wanted to share that journey with you.  

June 26, 2012

Just about 3 months.  That is how long we have had placement of Lucy.  We have navigated through a few developmental and physical hurdles but she is now growing strong and beautiful.  We still deal with reflux but with medication it is under control.  She is a happy and healthy baby girl.  Smiling at pretty much anyone that looks at her.  Giggles at her daddy more than anyone else and just loves her big sister Nadia.  We love her and pray before too long she will be our forever daughter. 

However, the process is going to be a long haul.  In the last 3 months pretty much nothing has happened court wise.  We are told things will start moving soon but we know that means that they "hope" things will start happening soon.  Until then Lucy continues to grow and and we continue to fall further in love with her.

When they least deserve it

Thursday Favorite

This is my new regular posting where I share a post of one of my favorite blogs with you.  Today I would like to share a post from “The Twin Coach” 

“Love me when I least deserve it because that is when I really need it” Swedish Proverb 

“I saw this proverb recently and have been thinking about it a lot. I have been trying to keep it in mind when my children are at their worst. It makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, if you apply it to yourself and think about when you are miserable, grouchy, short tempered...aren't you really in need of someone to understand you?

Isn't what you want most that someone will just take you in their arms and hold you? And don't you think that the simple gesture of showing love toward someone when they, themselves, must feel unloveable is all it might take to make things right?”

Please click HERE to read the rest of this article.  

What can I do if my child IS a bully?

HumpDay Dilemma

I talked a few weeks ago about what you should and should not do to prevent and help your child when he or she is being bullied.  Today I want to reverse the roles and talk about what you as a parent or caregiver should do if you find that your child IS a bully.  

Bullying comes in many different forms.  It can be subtle like a child refusing to share with a particular child and it can be obvious like teasing and name calling.  It can also be violent.  It is a mistake to ignore the subtle bullying because it can quickly lead to more obvious and even violent behavior.  

Almost all parenting experts agree that most bullies are being bullied from someone.  A hurtful child is a hurt-filled child.  Sadly a majority of the time the child is being bullied from a family member, sometimes even parents.   

If you are reading this, my guess is that you are not intentionally being cruel and abusive to your child.  If you are, seek help to change this habit, it is hurting your child and teaching him habits you do not want him to learn. You need to seek professional help because you were most likely bullied by someone when you were younger and it has become a learned habit.  However, even the most loving and engaged parent can at times participate in bullying.  

If I saw a child talking about another child in a group as if they were not there, I would say that child is teasing and bullying the other child.  However, how often as parents to we talk about our children like they are not there when they are within ear shot.  This could be considered bullying.  Ignoring a person when they clearly have something important to say is considered rude and disrespectful behavior, yet we do that to children all the time.  

There are a lot of really subtle and not so subtle ways that we bully our children into doing what we want them too.  How can we be surprised when they begin treating others like we treat them?  When we teach through our parenting that it is ok to be the ruler over people who are smaller than us that is exactly what they learn.  What we should be teaching our children is that it is their job to protect and love people that are smaller than they are.  

Check back next week for my conclusion. 

What can I do if my child is being bullied - Part 1
What can I do if my child is being bullied - Part 2
What can I do if my child is being bullied - Part 3
 

Annie and Simon

Teaser Tuesday

written & illustrated by Catharine O’Neill

Annie is Simon’s talkative and energetic younger sister.  He is very patient with her as they: discuss what to be when they grow up, talk about clouds, rain and umbrellas, look for loons, go on a picnic and canoeing.  However, as often happens with siblings, they have a bit of an argument.  But all ends well as they lay out under the stars. 

“This is my favorite night of all my life, Simon,” Annie said.

“It’s great,” said Simon.  “Only one thing . . .”

“What?” asked Annie. 

“I wish I had my little sister back again.”

“Oh, Simon,” said Annie.  “I’m already your little sister back again.”

This book is a beginning chapter book at 2^nd grade reading level but would be a great read-a-long book for PreK - 3rd grade. 

Review by Alice Brown

Check out this book on Amazon below.

Become what you are

Motivation Monday

Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.

David Bly

I cannot count how many times I have said something similar to this because it is so true.  Every time I see a behavior; good or bad in my child, I have no further than myself to look to see where she learned how to do that.  

Quote found at

http://www.more4kids.info/1020/parenting-and-motivational-quotes-to-live-by/

Lucy is home

A few years ago my husband and I embarked on a journey; a journey in adoption.  I wanted to share that journey with you.  

April 14, 2012

"Lucy" has been home for a week now.  We are all adjusting nicely to her and I am starting to learn her rhythms.  In the last week I have been able to get her on a feeding schedule every 3 hours during the day and in return she has BLESSED me with 5-7 hours of sleep every night.  She is a sweet heart and adorable.  Nadia is enjoying "the baby" most of the time.  Her most difficult moments are when other people are around.  

At home with just mommy and daddy she is a huge help and really seems to be okay with less immediate attention.  I have tried hard to find the things that seem most important to her and not neglect them.  I make sure we still get at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted play time and story time before bed is a must.  Nadia and I snuggle while Lucy lays on the bed propped up in front of us "reading" the cover of the book. 

This works out great because Lucy seems to be a night owl.  She is most awake from about 7PM -10PM, right at Nadia's bed time. She as a few other hours of awake time through out the day but sleeps most of the rest of it.  She is in bed around 10PM and then wakes between 3 and 5AM for a quick feeding then goes right back to sleep.  I usually have to wake her up around 8:30 so we can keep her on some kind of feeding schedule or I really think she would sleep the entire morning away. 

Nadia is a huge help but does often do things to get attention when people come over or we go out.  This is to be expected and though we are sure to correct the behavior, we understand this whole thing is a huge transition for her.  

We have seen the Dr this week for the first time and had a total of 5 social workers visit us.  It has been a lot. Through these social worker visits we now have a little more insight into how long this process will take, and believe me it will be long.  We have several hills to climb before we find out if she will be staying with us forever or if she will be going home to her birth family.  Again, I am unable to share more details with you in this format and there are some things I cannot share at all.  Just know that we were worried about Nadia's adoption and compared to this, that process was a slam dunk.  It was easy, this will be hard and there is absolutely NO certainty. 

Scott and I have talked about this possibility and feel the same way we did when we started the process with Nadia, even though the possibility of re-unification is so much greater.  If we were to keep little Lucy at arms length, not letting her completely into our hearts in order to protect ourselves, that would be unfair to her.  We are willing to put our emotions on the line because that is what this little girl needs and deserves.  This means of course we are also putting Nadia's heart on the line and in reality anyone following our story.  However, we are certain that we can overcome the sadness we would feel if she were to be reunited with her birth family.  In the end, if that does happen we will rest in the knowledge that we gave the absolute best we could to this baby for as long as we possibly could, understanding that it will help her in the long run. 

We have most defiantly fallen in love with this little girl.

OMG That happened FAST!!

A few years ago my husband and I embarked on a journey; a journey in adoption.  I wanted to share that journey with you.  

March 28, 2012

One week ago we found out that we were once again licensed to be foster parents.  Amazing, exciting and then we wait.  Well that wait was not long.  

Yesterday, March 27 I received the phone call we had been told could take 2 years.  There was an almost 6 week old little girl that they were looking for a long term foster family for with the hopes that adoption could happen if the courts move in that favor.  I jotted down as much as I could and called Scott.  We had previously made the decision to say no to any placement before my week long trip coming up in 5 weeks - unless it was perfect for us. 

We spent 10 min (because that was all he could talk for) trying to come up with the potential risk and problems that could be a result for the child and birth family.  I then talked with a few family members to try to come up with some logistic solutions for my upcoming trip.  We were excited and just about to call and say yes when I got a return phone call.

Unfortunately, at this time, I found out that I would not be able to continue working for the family I nanny for with a second child. While this was really devastating for me personally, professionally and financially. We cannot make a decision about our families future based on this news.  Some how I knew it word work out.  A friend said to me that in 5 years I will not regret having to leave this job, even if it is an amazing one, even if it means leaving children I love.  BUT I would regret saying no to a baby that needed a home because of this job. 

So after much discussion into the wee hours of the night with Scott, some more conversations with family, friends, employer and social workers, we said YES to this very little sweetie.  

We will be able to have her for the weekend for visitation then she will have to go back to her temporary home for while until all the paperwork can and legal stuff can be complete.   We will be able to see her here and there until then.  

That is all we know that I can share in this public forum.  We cannot give out even her given first name but we have decided to nickname her LUCY for the sake of reference to her. 

Right now Scott and I feel as if we are jumping off the Grand Cannon into the complete unknown.  We are holding tight to each other, Nadia and GOD.  We don't know how He will catch us but we know that he will. Another friend said not to long ago to me that sometimes when God asks us to step off a cliff, it is not a bridge that he provides but wings.  We are praying for wings right now.  Please pray with us for them.