Thursday, February 17, 2011
Why do I always end up yelling at my child?
Think about the last time you yelled at your child. Ask yourself how many times you “repeated” yourself before you yelled. Most of the time, we yell at our children because we have asked them to do something 5 times and they have not listened. We yell because we are frustrated that they have not heard or obeyed us. Maybe the problem is that we are asking too many times.
Yelling tends to come from being too patient. Yea, that’s what I said - TOO patient. Here’s an example. Your 10 year old son has the basketball in the house. You have asked him before to play with it outside but he really isn’t “playing” with it, he is just holding it. Then he casually starts lightly throwing it in the air. Little by little it gets higher until it lands on the ground with a thud. You say, “Don’t play with that in the house.” “Yes mom” and he stops. A few minutes later he does the same thing again, not really thinking. You see that he did it without thinking and say, “I told you not to throw that in the house.” And he stops for a while. This continues a few more times and because you are busy cooking dinner you just keep shouting out. Each time you get a little angrier and angrier. Finally you put down what you are doing, go into the living room and scream “I SAID STOP. GO YOU YOUR ROOM no more TV……”
The problem here is that you gave him too many warnings and you never made the consequence for disobeying clear. Here is how that story could have played out.
The first time you hear the basketball hit the ground you walk into the living room and say “It seems that you may have forgotten about the rule that you can’t play with that ball in the house. Maybe you didn’t realize what you were doing. If you can’t stop yourself from playing with it I will need to take it away and turn off the TV. This in itself might stop him from repeating the offense because you stopped what you were doing, were very clear and precise.
Suppose it does happen again. It’s time to take ACTION and follow through on what you said you would do. You take the ball and turn off the TV. No second or third warning. You made clear what the consequence would be and now it is time to do it. Because things have not progressed, you have a greater ability to control your anger and are much less likely to yell.
This example was for a 10 year old but it applies to younger children and some older. Clearly and lovingly state what they are doing wrong and what will happen if they do it again. If they do it again TAKE ACTION.
- ► 2012 (90)
- ▼ February (5)