Transitioning your Child to Underpants (part 1)

I had the privilege of writing for the e-book Parenting Responsively along with 11 other ACPI parent and family coaches.  Over the next few weeks I will be reprinting my chapter.  I hope you will enjoy it.  If you would like to order the entire book you may do so on my website for $9.99 - Strong Roots Family Coaching.  Enjoy

(View the previous post on Potty Training without the Power Struggle)

                You may be one of the fortunate parents that will go through all the steps listed above and be surprised to find your child has potty trained himself.  As I said before, every child is different.  And what works for your first child may not work for your second.  The technique that your friend used on her little girl may not be what your little boy needs.  You know your child better than anyone.  Use your instinct and do what feels right. 

                I do not claim that the steps I use to transition a child to underpants is the only way to potty train a child, I simply know that they have worked successfully with every child I have ever trained.  The steps I use are simple and straightforward, all while putting your child in control of his body.  With this process, there is no need to bribe your child with candy or a chart and there is absolutely NO power struggle. 

                You're ready to follow these steps once your child has been practicing using the toilet, and you have witnessed the physical and emotional signs that he is ready to transition.   Before you begin, you will want to find at least four days where you have no planned activities outside of the house. With your own work schedule and older siblings’ activities, this can be a challenge, but I assure you it is worth the interruption.  

                A few days before you plan to get rid of diapers, start talking to your child about what is going to happen.  Tell him that in the morning “Project Underpants” (or whatever you want to call it) will start and soon he is going to get up and put on his new underwear.  Remind him that he is growing up and that it's time to learn to put all of his “poop and tinkle into the toilet.” 

                The night before “Project Underpants” starts, take a shopping trip with your child and buy some underpants that your child really loves.  He should be the one to pick them out so he will be excited to wear them.  When my daughter picked out her underpants, she really wanted Diego underwear that only comes in boy’s briefs.  I wanted her to be excited about them so I did not worry about which gender they were intended for.

                I mentioned earlier that I don’t recommend using pull-ups instead of underpants.  What is going to most motivate your child to urinate and have a bowel movement in the toilet is the feeling he gets when he soils himself.  If he has a pull-up on instead of underpants, he will feel no different than if he were to soil a diaper.   Pull-ups can be great for the practice phase, but when you are ready to really potty train him, it is best to use underpants. 

                When the morning you are ready to transition to underpants comes, be excited with your child as you get him dressed and put his underwear on.  Get him fully dressed and start your day at home.  If you are worried about messes, a pair of plastic underpants can be purchased to put over the cotton pants or you can try restricting your child’s play to non-carpeted or rugged areas.  Having your child wear more absorbent pants might help too. 

                 

Please return next week (or subscribe to this blog) to hear the rest of the chapter on Potty Training without a Power Struggle

Signs of Readiness to Potty Train in Your Child

I had the privilege of writing for the e-book Parenting Responsively along with 11 other ACPI parent and family coaches.  Over the next few weeks I will be reprinting my chapter.  I hope you will enjoy it.  If you would like to order the entire book you may do so on my website for $9.99 - Strong Roots Family Coaching.  Enjoy

(View the previous post on Potty Training without the Power Struggle)

                Every child is unique and different.  A child that excels in one area of his life may lag behind the “average” child in another area.  For this reason, you should look for signs of readiness once your child has expressed interest in using the potty.

                When determining if your child is ready to begin toilet training, you will be looking for signs that your child is both physically and emotionally ready to take that step.  The physical signs of readiness are often harder to read, but it's essential that they are there if you want to train your child without a lengthy struggle.  If your child is physically ready, he will demonstrate that he has control of his bladder.  This control begins when his body naturally holds onto urine instead of letting it go right away as an infant would.  You will know he has enough control to switch to underwear when his diaper is dry for 90 minutes or more and then is suddenly full.  Another indication that your child may be physically ready to make the switch to underpants is when he is willing to sit on the toilet, but will not go until the moment he has his diaper back on.  This too shows bladder control. Unfortunately this stubbornness is also a sign he is not emotionally ready.

                Emotional readiness exhibits itself in a few ways.  Often your child will begin to get self-conscious when he has to have a bowel movement.  He might hide in a corner and silently go in his diaper, showing a desire for privacy.  Your child might also start telling you just after he urinates or right before, showing an awareness of his action.  He also might insist on being changed as soon as he has soiled his diaper.  This is showing he is beginning to be uncomfortable with the way things are.  The biggest sign that your child is emotionally ready to get rid of his diapers is the consistent and frequent use of the potty when prompted. 

                Sometimes the only way to discover if your child is really physically ready is to let him go without a diaper for a few hours and see what happens.  You can have him wear underpants or have him go naked from the waist down for at least 3 hours.  If you find he urinates every 30-45 minutes, he is not ready.  If he is able to wait for 60 minutes or more a few times, he may be ready. 

                Although I dislike generalizations related to gender, when it comes to potty training there is usually a difference.  Boys tend to reach the physical milestones of potty preparedness before they are emotionally ready.   Girls tend to become emotionally ready before they are physically ready. 

                If you attempt to potty train your child and he is emotionally ready but not physically ready, you will have a child that wants to stay dry, but just can’t. He tries to make it to the toilet, but just doesn’t have the control to hold his urine in.  This can cause extreme emotional distress to you and more importantly your child.  If you try to train your child and he is physically ready but not emotionally ready, you will find yourself in a power struggle trying to bribe or persuade him to use the toilet.  In both cases you will spend your entire day trying to “catch” your child before he goes and the potty training process will drag on and on as his dignity fades away.

                If you find yourself, like I did, in a situation where you have transferred to underpants and now know that your child is not physically or emotionally ready, stop the training. Go back to diapers and try again in a few weeks.  It does not do anyone any good to shame your child or make him feel bad about the lack of training success.  

Please return next week (or subscribe to this blog) to hear the rest of the chapter on Potty Training without a Power Struggle

Helpful Tools for Potty Training you Child

I had the privilege of writing for the e-book Parenting Responsively along with 11 other ACPI parent and family coaches.  Over the next few weeks I will be reprinting my chapter.  I hope you will enjoy it.  If you would like to order the entire book you may do so on my website for $9.99 - Strong Roots Family Coaching.  Enjoy

(View the previous post on Potty Training without the Power Struggle)

                Like with any new challenge, having the right tools can aid in your success. The same is true for your child.  If you want to make your child a more comfortable, consider getting a toilet insert rather than a mini toilet chair (they even make adult toilet seats that have a child's seat that is stored in the cover when not in use). There are a few reasons doing so can be helpful.  The first is that your child is observing you on the toilet and with an insert he can sit in the same place as you.  The second is that you are going to eventually want him to sit on the big toilet, so adding an additional transition to the potty training process doesn't seem to make sense.   Third, you can’t carry a mini toilet chair around with you wherever you go (well you could but who would want to?), but portable toilet inserts can be discreetly folded up and transported anywhere.  Finally, who really wants to have to empty their child’s waste from a mini toilet to the big toilet then clean the thing by hand?  Mini toilets seem to make more work for the grownups and add confusion for most children.  

                While inserts can make the toileting experience more comfortable, if you would rather not have the expense and trouble of your child using a toilet insert, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having him sit directly on the big toilet.  If you choose to do this, be sure to offer support and spot him so he doesn't fall in. Most children who sit on the big potty from the beginning get used to doing so quickly and do just fine with it.  Ultimately, you need to do what works best for your family and your child.  

                Using a footstool can help your child gain independence during the toilet training process.  With a step stool, he can climb up on the toilet on his own. Having a place to rest his feet may even make having a bowel movement more comfortable for him.  A footstool can also be used for stepping up to the sink so that he can wash his hands independently. 

                Books and videos are great tools for helping your child understand things he has not yet experienced.  There are dozens of helpful books and videos about potty training. One of my favorite videos is Elmo’s Potty Time. A few of my favorite books include A Potty for Me, Lift Flap book and The Potty Train.  I encourage you to take a trip to the library and bring home several different books and videos.  Every child likes different characters and stories, so look for books and videos that feature familiar characters to provide additional motivation.   

                A lot of parents opt to use pull-ups or other disposable underpants while training their child.  These can be good tools for your child when he is in the practice phase of toilet training.  Sometimes it is just easier to pull down his pull-up than take off his diaper and clothes.  Though it is possible to use a regular diaper in this way, sometimes the fun characters on pull-ups can add excitement to your child’s potty training experience.  If you do choose to use pull-ups, it is important to remember that they are a tool for training and not a replacement for underpants. 

                Children who wear cloth diapers tend to be potty trained earlier than children who wear disposables.  This is most likely due to the fact that the child feels the wetness more in a cloth diaper than in a disposable.  Disposable diapers are made to take the wetness away from the surface so the child doesn't really have a chance to feel uncomfortable.  Children who wear cloth diapers feel wet when they urinate and have more motivation to stay dry.  During the initial phase of training, if you child wears disposable diapers moving to cloth diapers might be something to consider.  They are so much easier to use than they used to be and even have fun patterns and colors.   

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Preparing your Child for Potty training (part 2)

I had the privilege of writing for the e-book Parenting Responsively along with 11 other ACPI parent and family coaches.  Over the next few weeks I will be reprinting my chapter.  I hope you will enjoy it.  If you would like to order the entire book you may do so on my website for $9.99 - Strong Roots Family Coaching.  Enjoy

(View the previous post on Potty Training without the Power Struggle)

                When potty training, your words and tone truly affect your child and the potty training outcome. Avoid using harsh or shaming words and tones when changing his diapers, but instead use positive words paired with a positive tone to set an encouraging atmosphere.  While it can be tempting to comment on how gross a diaper smells, doing so could translate to your child that he's done something wrong which could result in feelings of shame and embarrassment.  However, telling your child what you see in his diaper can be helpful.  “Oh, you went tinkle in your diaper” or “You went poop” can help facilitate the understanding of natural bodily functions.

                The next step in preparing your child for potty training involves effective communication.  As your child begins to be interested in your toileting experience, you can start telling him that someday he will go poop and tinkle on the potty too. Articulating these goals is an important step that will help mentally prepare your child to use the toilet.  Be sure to let your child know that he will use the toilet when he is ready.  Say it often and say it in many different ways.  

                Your child was born into this world able to do nothing for himself.  The way he learns to do anything is through observation and experience.  That is why the next part of your potty training journey is to encourage your child to sit on the toilet.  Sometime after his first birthday, invite him to sit on it with you. It is important that if he doesn't want to, you do not force him. While he may not want to sit on the toilet the first few times you ask, don’t stop extending the invitation. You may find that your child is really excited about it the first time you ask, and then is scared to do it few days later.  Don’t worry; this is normal.  Keep at it by being encouraging and staying positive. 

                Another consideration is that generally children love to flush the toilet, so much so that it can be a motivating factor in your child's decision to sit on it. It is a good idea to let your child experiment with flushing it.  However it can scare a child if you flush the toilet when he is on it. This can be particularly scary during the introductory period of potty training.  It could make your child not want to go near a toilet for weeks or more.  Be cautious of this when at a public restroom with an auto flush.  In addition to being loud, they often spray up water that can be frightening to young children.

                Strategically timing when you ask your child to sit on the toilet may be helpful. Children tend to urinate just after drinking a lot of liquid.  If your child has never had the sensation of urinating on the toilet, you could try giving him something to drink just before or while on the toilet.  It is important for your child to have this experience at some point before his transition to underpants.  

                One last training tip is to let your child experience using the toilet outside of your home.  This is important because your child will need to be comfortable going in many places.  If the only place he ever experiments with is home, the move to underwear will be more challenging and worrisome for both him and you.  

Please return next week (or subscribe to this blog) to hear the rest of the chapter on Potty Training without a Power Struggle