Childen and Divorce

Thursday Favorites

 

Today I want to share a post from “Positive Parenting Skills” about Children and Divorce.  It is a difficult topic and most think there is no way to truly Co-parent without there being some tension.  This article shows that you can!!

“The topic of divorce is a sore subject.  Today many families are a mix of children from each spouse’s previous marriage and children they’ve had together.  Are you one of those families?  This is all around us, and different people are dealing with it in different ways.  Are you a step parent?  Have you been a step child?

My experiences growing up with divorced parents were ugly at best.  My view of step parents and even my own biological parents was tainted by the heartache they imparted on me and my siblings.  No child makes it through a divorce unscathed in some way, but the scars we received were sure to stick around for a long time.  So with all of this gloomy experience delivered by my parents’ divorce, there is something bright that I want to write about:  I want to tell  you about a real situation that I have been fortunate enough to encounter.”

Please click HERE to read the rest of the article. 

Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes

Teaser Tuesday

Written by Mem Fox

Illustrated by Helen Oxenbury

The book tells of eight beautiful babies from around the world who immediately learn to play together.  Reader’s see a child “born on the ice” stand beside a penguin, and on the next page, readers meet a child born in a tent.  Soon the two are fast friends, playing a joyful tug –of-war with one boy’s scarf.  The illustrator brilliantly captures the children’s expressions with roly-poly faces filled with glee.  The story delivers the subtle message of international harmony great for babies, toddlers and older children too.

"There was one little baby who was born far away,

And another who was born on the very next day.

And both of these babies, as everyone knows,

Had ten little fingers and ten little toes."

Check out the book at Amazon below

The Perfect Child

Motivation Monday

Stop trying to perfect your child, but keep trying to perfect your relationship with him.

Dr. Henker

In many ways I am a perfectionist and I push that expectation on to my children.   I may not be one when it comes to keeping my house clean but when something is important to me and it goes wrong, I have a tendency to beat myself up and get frustrated about not getting it right.   

There are few things on this planet more important to me than raising wonderful, loving and compassionate children.  So when I do something that makes me feel like less than a perfect parent, it eats at me.  And when my children “act” less than perfect I get frustrated.

But this quote is great because it reminds me that as long as I am working to improve the relationship I have with my children, they will grow to be wonderful, loving and compassionate children.  In fact they already are.  I just get so bogged down in the details of life that I too often forget to see them for who they already are.

Quote found at

http://www.more4kids.info/1020/parenting-and-motivational-quotes-to-live-by

Chore Chart

Thursday Favorite

Are you looking for a great, creative and EFFECTIVE chore chart?  Look no further.  One of my favorite blogs “I Heart Organizing” had a post a few weeks ago with the perfect solution for parents that are tired of sounding like a broken record when it comes to asking your children to help with the house work.  

“The idea behind this was to make it a very visual chart so that anyone in the family could quickly look at it and know if the jobs had been completed. To accomplish this, I used a red and green card method {red for stop, and green for go}. Each pocket would host two cards. If the task still needs to be done, there will be a red card showing. When the task is completed, our kiddos switch their card to green {placing the red card behind}. It’s super quick and simple and they children LOVE switching their cards.”

I encourage you to check out the entire project HERE

What can I do if my child IS a bully? Part 2

HumpDay Dilemma

Last week I started a conversation about what you can do if you find that your child IS a bully. The first place we look when our child begins to bully others is ourselves.  Are we teaching through our parenting the techniques of bullying?   If you find that you are, have hope, it is very possible to change but it will take work.  

There is a laundry list of things that you would want to say to your child when you see them bullying another child.  “Do to him what you would want him to do to you” is a great place to start.  I understand that there are times as parents that you need to set and enforce boundaries.  But how do you explain these boundaries?  How do you respond when they cross a boundary?  How do you enforce the boundary?

It is a mistake to allow your children to rule the house, but it is also a mistake to think that you rule over your children.  I prefer to think of parenting as being the manager.  As a manager you do have the final say but a good manager considers his or her employee’s opinions and makes sure they have what they need to be successful.  So the real question is, are you treating your children the way that you would hope a manager at your place of employment would treat you. 

When your children make a mistake, are you quick to accuse them of the error or are you willing to hear their side of the story.  You don’t want your manager to come to you screaming and telling you that you have made his life more difficult because you screwed up.  You want him or her to calmly explain what it was you did wrong and help you to figure out how you can do it better next time.  You would even appreciate a few “at-a-boys” from him or her just to let you know that you are doing a good job at some things.  Now I am not saying this is how all employers manage, but it is how you wish they would manage you.  It is also how we should be managing our children. 

There are some areas of parenting that don’t completely transfer over from the “manager”.  If you refuse to do what is asked of you at work you will most likely be fired.  You don’t have that option as a parent when your children refuse to follow your directions.  However, you can give your children a choice between doing what you are asking and accepting a consequence for not following directions. 

It is always possible to change behaviors; even our own behaviors.  Remember that these techniques will not change your child overnight.  If you have been bulling your child for a long time, it will take time to undo some of the damage.  You can begin to heal the hurt inside your child by spending extra one-on-one quality time with each of your children. Talking with them about the way you have behaved in the past and expressing your sorrow for the way you have responded to him or her.  You would be amazed at the effect it can have on your child to apologies to him or her for your past behaviors.  It will not fix things overnight but it will put you on the path to reconciling with your child and healing the hurt you have caused.  

What can I do if my child is being bullied - Part 1
What can I do if my child is being bullied - Part 2
What can I do if my child is being bullied - Part 3
What can I do if my child is a bully -  Part 1

Hide and Squeak

Teaser Tuesday

Hide and Squeak

Written by Heather Vogel Frederick

Illustrated by C. J. Payne

When it’s time for bed Mouse Baby decides to make a run for it.  He sends his daddy on a wild chase through the garden, past the sofa, round the lamp and up the curtains to name a few hiding places.  The affection between parent and child is obvious in this delightful bedtime rhyme with bright and colorful illustrations. This picture book, great for toddlers at bedtime.

Review by Alice Brown

"Mouse baby, mouse baby

Where can you be?

I can’t see you.

Can you see me?

It’s time for bed.  It’s time for sleep.

No more time for hide and squeak."

Check out the book on Amazon below