Parenting is incredibly rewarding but no matter how great a parent you are, there will come a time that you need a little help. We are here for you.
Through Motivation Monday, Teaser Tuesday, HumpDay Dilemma, and Family Time Friday we will help you answer the questions you have.
Last week I started a conversation about what you can do if
you find that your child IS a bully. The first place we look when our child
begins to bully others is ourselves. Are
we teaching through our parenting the techniques of bullying? If you find that you are, have hope, it is
very possible to change but it will take work.
is a laundry list of things that you would want to say
to your child when you see them bullying another child. “Do to him what
you would want him to do to
you” is a great place to start. I
understand that there are times as parents that you need to set and
enforce boundaries. But how do you explain these boundaries? How do
you respond when they cross a boundary? How do you enforce the
It is a mistake to allow your children to rule the house, but
it is also a mistake to think that you rule over your children. I prefer to think of parenting as being the
manager. As a manager you do have the
final say but a good manager considers his or her employee’s opinions and makes
sure they have what they need to be successful.
So the real question is, are you treating your children the way that you
would hope a manager at your place of employment would treat you.
When your children make a mistake, are you quick to accuse
them of the error or are you willing to hear their side of the story. You don’t want your manager to come to you
screaming and telling you that you have made his life more difficult because
you screwed up. You want him or her to
calmly explain what it was you did wrong and help you to figure out how you can
do it better next time. You would even
appreciate a few “at-a-boys” from him or her just to let you know that you are
doing a good job at some things. Now I
am not saying this is how all employers manage, but it is how you wish they
would manage you. It is also how we
should be managing our children.
There are some areas of parenting that don’t completely
transfer over from the “manager”. If you
refuse to do what is asked of you at work you will most likely be fired. You don’t have that option as a parent when
your children refuse to follow your directions.
However, you can give your children a choice between doing what you are
asking and accepting a consequence for not following directions.
It is always possible to change behaviors; even our own
behaviors. Remember that these techniques
will not change your child overnight. If
you have been bulling your child for a long time, it will take time to undo
some of the damage. You can begin to
heal the hurt inside your child by spending extra one-on-one quality time with
each of your children. Talking with them about the way you have behaved in the
past and expressing your sorrow for the way you have responded to him or
her. You would be amazed at the effect
it can have on your child to apologies to him or her for your past behaviors. It will not fix things overnight but it will
put you on the path to reconciling with your child and healing the hurt you