Saturday, August 4, 2012

It's not about ME?

A few years ago my husband and I embarked on a journey; a journey in adoption.  I wanted to share that journey with you.  

December 12, 2008

So the last few weeks have been pretty rough for me. The waiting has really been getting to me. This has been compounded by a few things. Thanksgiving was tough and the approaching Christmas was a little sad too. I began wondering why it always seemed that I had to wait for things. Scott and I waited a long time to meet each other and at times I did not understand why it seemed so easy for so many people to find the right person -not all but many. So now I am more happily married than I ever thought I could be, wanting to start a family and having to wait - again. How could it be so easy for some people to get pregnant and so difficult for others? What was God thinking? 

Last Wed night the 10th of Dec, it seemed like I was at my lowest. I locked myself in my room and had a "moment" with God. During that conversation, it became pretty obvious that God was telling me I was being selfish. I was really only looking at this circumstance from my perspective. When people would say things like, “It will all work out" or "God has a plan" all I heard was God was keeping it from me for some reason. But what I should have been hearing was that the "plan" was to benefit someone else, not just me. It wasn't about me, at least not much. It was about the baby we would someday bring home and it was about the birth family that would not be able to keep him or her. I was so consumed with my feelings; I had completely overlooked the needs of others. I was not "considering others of greater worth than myself" Philippians 2:3 (my favorite Bible verse). 

So as I was locked in my room, I asked for forgiveness from God for my selfishness. The next morning I had the day off and I slept in. I finally started stirring about noon and saw that I had a message on our home phone. Now we don't give out that number to very many people so we almost never have a message on it. I immediately got excited, but I knew I had been falsely excited before. When I heard the message my heart stopped. There was a little girl 8 months old in need of a home. I can't give any specifics about her, but let’s just say that it took Scott and me about 2 seconds to decide we were going to say yes. 

There are still some papers and court hearings to deal with, but it looks like there is a pretty good chance she will come home in the beginning of January. We are finding it hard not to be excited. We are cautiously optimistic that it will all work out. Thank you everyone for concern and prayers. They have been felt and apparently heard too.

No comments: